Yep, you heard that right. We can no longer go to the bathroom. In the Bible, the only recorded instances of someone doing “number 2” are pagans, pagan gods or wicked kings. Therefore, we as true Christians must avoid it at all costs!
Witness false gods:
26 So they prepared one of the bulls and placed it on the altar. Then they called on the name of Baal from morning until noontime, shouting, “O Baal, answer us!” But there was no reply of any kind. Then they danced, hobbling around the altar they had made.
27 About noontime Elijah began mocking them. “You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, “for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!”
~ 1Ki 18:26-27 (NLT)
24When [Ehud]was gone out, his [King Eglon’s] servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber. (Judges 3:24, King James Version)
Witness evil kings:
Let’s face it: You just don’t see righteous men in the Bible going to the bathroom.
The only verse in the Bible that even hints of an allowance of such activities is in God’s Law:
12Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
13And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
14For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee. (Deuteronomy 23:12-14, King James Version)
However, that does not necessarily refer to defecation. It most likely means urination. In light of the other verses, it must mean that even, for it is evident that only the pagans and the evil people in the Bible defecate!
Why, reading it that way would be as silly as comparing “his day” in Job 1:4 and “his day” in Job 3:1 and stating that just because Job 3:1 refers to Job’s day of birth that it must mean that in Job 1:4 as well! Preposterous! We know that only evil and pagan kings celebrated birthdays after all!
Or, do we really know that celebrating birthdays were only done by evil or pagan kings?
29When the LORD thy God shall cut off the nations from before thee, whither thou goest to possess them, and thou succeedest them, and dwellest in their land;
30Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise.
31Thou shalt not do so unto the LORD thy God: for every abomination to the LORD, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods. (Deuteronomy 12:29-31, King James Version)
Maybe we should learn to handle the word of God with more care. Perhaps we should not be looking for pagans under every rock and realize that God was referring to worship in prohibiting pagan practices. Otherwise, pagans ate, slept, married, had children, held jobs and numerous other things that are required in day to day living.