Defecating Is Pagan

Yep, you heard that right. We can no longer go to the bathroom. In the Bible, the only recorded instances of someone doing “number 2” are pagans, pagan gods or wicked kings. Therefore, we as true Christians must avoid it at all costs!

Witness false gods:

26 So they prepared one of the bulls and placed it on the altar. Then they called on the name of Baal from morning until noontime, shouting, “O Baal, answer us!” But there was no reply of any kind. Then they danced, hobbling around the altar they had made.

27 About noontime Elijah began mocking them. “You’ll have to shout louder,” he scoffed, “for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!”

~ 1Ki 18:26-27 (NLT)

Witness pagans:

24When [Ehud]was gone out, his [King Eglon’s] servants came; and when they saw that, behold, the doors of the parlour were locked, they said, Surely he covereth his feet in his summer chamber. (Judges 3:24, King James Version)

Witness evil kings:

3And he came to the sheepcotes by the way, where was a cave; and Saul went in to cover his feet: and David and his men remained in the sides of the cave. (1 Samuel 24:3, King James Version)

Let’s face it: You just don’t see righteous men in the Bible going to the bathroom.

The only verse in the Bible that even hints of an allowance of such activities is in God’s Law:

12Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:

13And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:

14For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee. (Deuteronomy 23:12-14, King James Version)

However, that does not necessarily refer to defecation. It most likely means urination. In light of the other verses, it must mean that even, for it is evident that only the pagans and the evil people in the Bible defecate!

Why, reading it that way would be as silly as comparing “his day” in Job 1:4 and “his day” in Job 3:1 and stating that just because Job 3:1 refers to Job’s day of birth that it must mean that in Job 1:4 as well! Preposterous! We know that only evil and pagan kings celebrated birthdays after all!

Or, do we really know that celebrating birthdays were only done by evil or pagan kings?

29When the LORD thy God shall cut off the nations from before thee, whither thou goest to possess them, and thou succeedest them, and dwellest in their land;

30Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise.

31Thou shalt not do so unto the LORD thy God: for every abomination to the LORD, which he hateth, have they done unto their gods; for even their sons and their daughters they have burnt in the fire to their gods. (Deuteronomy 12:29-31, King James Version)

Maybe we should learn to handle the word of God with more care. Perhaps we should not be looking for pagans under every rock and realize that God was referring to worship in prohibiting pagan practices. Otherwise, pagans ate, slept, married, had children, held jobs and numerous other things that are required in day to day living.


  1. Is this a special "ratings month" for bloggers, like it is for TV — trying sensational topics to drive up the hit count? LOL!

  2. John D Carmack

    @Richard: The unfortunate truth is that lately I've had to do very little to "drive up the hit count". It seems that just covering recent Church news has done that for me. 🙁

    While the title might work well in print, it actually is a bad title for SEO, believe it or not, since the title has the highest impact upon searches. Catchy? Maybe. Cute? Perhaps. Good for SEO? No. However, I'll chance that on getting the point across.

  3. OK, the initial shock has worn off — and, hey, you make a good point.

    I found an article several years ago which indicated Mother's Day was practiced by pagan cultures long ago. I brought it up at a service — and someone apparently told the Pastor, because he dismissed such reasoning from the pulpit.

    By the way, if you're constantly looking for paganism — are you really keeping your focus on Jesus?

  4. John D Carmack

    @Richard: Well, as I wrote yesterday, in different cultures the origins of Mother's Day or its equivalent have come from different traditions. For example, in Thailand it is traditional to honor your mother on H.M. The Queen's birthday. I honestly don't consider that "pagan" because they don't worship the Queen.

    However, in parts of Europe, Mothering Sunday is a "Christianized" version of a pagan holiday. That's why in the old WCG the US would observe Mother's Day but in the UK they would not.

    So, I don't know why your pastor would be so dismissive of it. This was pretty common knowledge back then, so it seems strange he wouldn't have known of it.

    But, I like your question. Part of why I posted this article is because it seems that some will lose their sense of balance. We really need to focus a lot more on what we should be doing vs. what we should not be doing. We can focus more on Jesus or we can do like Peter and focus on the waves of the sea.